Tuesday, November 14, 2006

...

Its been over an year since I've written this

 "As I had written earlier, festivals seem to have lost meaning to us here in a campus insulated from the outside world, But I get a feeling that I should be home this time around for diwali."

And it was true. I was perhaps never as glad to have listened to my intuition as I did then. For that was to be the last time my grandmother and I met. When she passed away that january, I couldn't make it home.  In a way it changed my perspective on relations. I didnot grieve for her death, as an inevitable thing as death is not to be grieved for.

Instead what I've learnt is that relationships are meant to be cherished. It is one place where quantity can never overcome quality. As many of my friends who graduated suddenly realise the safety net of their circle suddenly gone, we try to hold onto the past that is constantly slipping away, we get nostalgic about the times that were, and about the silliness of some of the things that have come to be.

 But, change cometh and so we have to move on and adapt. Its a new dawn, a new beginning and we shall survive.

This was something I'd written last year too

"For a long long time throughout the last year, I have been growing restless in an effort to find myself, find a purpose, find a group whichI could identify myself with. But Alas, it hasn't been fruitful so far. One thing it has taught me though is that you'll only belong to a group if you belive that you do. When I look back at it, I am involved in a whole lot of activities, am around with a lot of people, but never belonged there, I am there but never There"

An year into the future and has anything changed? I guess not much. I am still a part of many activities, but it is the activity that binds me to the others, not people.  In the words of a friend " The bonds grown under a common vice are very strong." and unfortunately I haven't found that vice yet ;).

We're not sentimental
We're just oil-filled machines
Trying not to say the things we mean
You gotta show us a little love

Our big brother tells us
That it's something in our genes
Pretty soon we'll all be coming clean
So start showing a little skin

I'm the judge and jury
I'm the lion and the lamb
And this is the beginning of the end
It's breaking you down
We're breaking you down

We're unrecognizable
We're sunken submarines
Trying to escape before we're seen
You're gonna miss us when we're gone

I'm the judge and jury
I'm the lion and the lamb
And this is the beginning of the end
It's breaking you down
We're breaking you down

"The Beginning of the end"
 Guster